Back to Blog >.<

>this blog is drafted March 29 and poster June 29.<


WOW! It's been a long time now.. say, what?! almost 3months?!! i


have been so very busy lately I couldn't find time to write.. hmm so sad.. =(
Oh and I've missed you.. and reading back all those articles i published make me say, I've changed.. a little bit. hahahah atleast, for the glory of man!


Now I appreciate the times I couldn't get myself to sleep, that's when I could visit my blog.. hahah But hey, i tried though, especially at times I get a little emotional and somehow "dramatic".. LoL (that's not the right word but i couldn't think of any more suitable description) I've got so many drafts at the office and here at home.. and ALL of them, unfinished and hanging and "forgotten"! There are those times when I'm super full of words that I couldn't write everything on my mind.. words just come out so fast.. then I get to open my notepad and write whatever is there that pops out. then not an hour after that, with just a little distraction would make me lost and then comes the "ei, I'll better finish this later.." >the attitude! LoL and that's the end of it.. Those were just my thoughts as of that moment, you know..

And usually those are the thoughts I've been avoiding to think about.. **,

But now no more..

>>now comes the new chapter of my life<<..



at 23.

One Step Forward

24th of March.

-our day.
-was once our day.

It was the 3rd Friday of the month of March.

I used to attend mass at Sto. Nino Church every Fridays of the week. Thereso, it was after my class and I was with him and he decided to attend the mass with me. However, it was already late in the afternoon and going there would cost time and more, it would be very crowded at this time of the day. I felt bad that I might not be on time for the mass and so he suggested that instead of going to Sto. Nino, we'll go to The Lady of Mount Carmel Church (known also as the Carmelites Church). I, haven't been there, excitedly agreed. And so we went to Mabolo and there, attend Mass at Carmelites. After the Mass and after saying our prayers, he brought me infront of the image of Mama Mary and he said, "Mama, this is Jlyn. The one I told you about." He hold my hand and he said "Baby, this is my Mama Mary." (We used to call each other "Baby" even before we got together. We were friends and used to teasing each other that name. There is another story for that one. haha) It was a very awkward and nice and sweet and all i feel was blood running to my face and next I knew, I was really blushing. I don't know what to say and I don't know what he is up to. It was an image of Mama Mary and we are in the church and I know for sure some people had heard it or were listening to us! (paranoid! hahaha) I was speechless but yes, I was so kilig that time. I asked him why he did that. And he said, "I told her about you. About Us. And I told her how much I like you. But I am not sure if you like me too. I prayed all the time to her. And she listens to me all the time too. And I asked her that if you are the girl for me, she'll give me a sign." Weird, I thought. "A sign?" I asked. He replied, "yes, a sign. A sign that if you come with me here, in her home, you are the girl for me. That she is happy for us. It sounds impossible at first but yes, it happened. You are here with me now, in front of her. So you're my girlfriend now." He was smiling, and I know he was very happy. I was, too. And that was the start of it all.

That happened today, 3 years ago.

Honestly, we're not on that "will you be my girlfriend-yes, i do" show! Too opposite from what I expect my first relationship would be. haha But then, that was it. That was the start of a story which lasted for three long years. Three years of happiness and joy and love.

Looking back, so many things happened. So many changes took place. But I never regret anything and everything that happened to us. I was so happy, really happy with him. We both love each other, I hold that true. Though no one understands, I know in our hearts, we will always be there for each other. And yes, this is all part of the past now.

Though I am still hurting, and in deep pain, I know and I believe all this happens for a reason.
Though I may not see it clearly now, I know my GOD has a purpose for me.
Though every night I still cry, I know one day these tears will all turn to smiles.
Though my heart is still bleeding, I know one day it will heal.


Just one day at a time, jLyn, and everything will be ok.

getting used to getting lost

I don't know how to start this blog. I'm not in the mood of writing one but I just badly need someone to listen to me talk and pour this out.. someone, it should be. but no one was there, not anymore. that's why i'm so grateful to that person who first thought of making and inventing a blog. >w*nx<

This day is one of those disheveled episodes I always got myself into. As we usually hear it, woke up on the wrong side of the bed. But lately, I wonder? Where is the Right side of my bed? Why is it that I always wake up weary and torn? Why is it that I always start my day crying from a bad dream? It's been months now, and is this the right side of my bed? Am I meant to cry every time I wake up? Perhaps, when time comes and I wake up jovial, it would then scare me..

I got up early to at least, change my mood to a brighter one. I used to do that before, when I was young and at those times, I control my emotions fully. I was able to manipulate how I'd feel and how I'd respond to circumstances. I know how to keep myself from showing what is really inside. I know exactly how to shift moods to make me feel better. I was an expert. No one can affect me. But where is the power now? Where was that manipulative jLyn to herself? I can't even stop myself from getting upset at such petty comments and lil things. I get so irate and I am easily disappointed at everything.. especially myself. I can't even control my tears from dropping now. Because every time I do, my throat seems to shrink and I can't breathe. And once it starts to fall, those tears just won't stop until my eyes sore and until there is nothing more to shed.

My day end up with a mess. I got problems with my work load, my efficiency was rather questioned and i got hold of the scolds and the stares of those that in one way or the other, bitter too with themselves. (wwooaah??!!!) I have been through worst scenarios than this before. And I've made it through with chin up high. But now it was far too different. Far too depressing and frustrating. It's like a first time to me. Now it seems that I could never make it happen. I feel so helpless and I don't want to end up hating myself for being so useless and so lame. I feel so lost in a world I'm used on living.

It was time for me to go home and so I waited for my taxi to come. So many thought come running my mind, so many "what-ifs" and "could have beens". As I get out of the building, a tear fell down as I told myself, "jLyn, it's gonna be a better day tomorrow." I tried to cheer my self up, convincing that I can still make it better tomorrow. But every time I do, I feel more lost and I seem not to know myself anymore. Because the more I try to push that conviction that "I AM OK, I AM FINE.. I AM HAPPY," I know deep down it's a lie I could never make myself believe.

And I wonder why, I wonder why I seem not to know myself anymore and why I can't even make something good or something worth appreciating. Perhaps it was because BEFORE,
Every time I get depressed with work, I know that after I got out of the office door, there is someone waiting for me to cheer me up and make me feel better.
Every time I feel bad with myself, I know that there is that someone who believes in me more that I have faith in myself.
Every time I cry, that someone not just wipe away my tears, but also cries with me, and that there is that someone who backs me up whenever I make a stand for myself.
And every time I got sour with life, there is that someone who makes everything sweet and lovely.

But that someone isn't here anymore..
He is gone now.
And no one is there to comfort me but myself.
No one to run to when I'm miserable but myself. Alone.

Maybe that's where I did it wrong, I rely myself so much believing that there is someone who's always there for me. Not thinking right that in this world of passersby, each of us are just passing by.

Maybe it's true, I'm so lost now.
So lost in the world I got to use and live.
But I believe I'll get used to getting lost and I know somewhere along the way of finding my right path, I'd be able to collect those broken pieces to make me whole once again..

Rain Pours

It's suppose to be summer time now.

But the rain's pouring so hard.
And so are these eyes..

I used to love the rain, it made me blissful every time it pours. Though it got me stranded at so many times and had my dress dirty by couple of it, it made my day marvelous and it made me feel complete... then.


Yet now, that feeling was somehow lost.. and forgotten.
The once perfect sensation is now but full of broken memories.
It feels rather but emptiness and tears slowly fall as raindrops starts tinkling my window panes..

Better in Time

Lyrics | Leona Lewis lyrics - Better In Time lyrics

When You FALL IN LOVE

This article isn't for teenagers only.
Falling in love happens to the young and the not-so-young. It happens to everyone.

Fat, thin, tall, short, intelligent, uneducated, holy, not so holy, dark, white, yellow, green..

it doesn't really matter.

All of us fall in love.

And we get stuck in myths that drive us absolutely crazy.
My goal is to debunk these myths and convince you not to believe in them.

Let's begin.

Debunking the Myths That Are Driving You Crazy

By: Bo Sanchez

MYTH 1: LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL

Let me qualify.

This is such a tricky myth. Because love will conquer all.

But love ------ as defined by glazed-eyed lovers ----- will not.

If you believe in this myth, you might do the following:

You overlook major obstacles in your relationship.

Everyone you know is wondering why you chose that creature from outer space as your boyfriend. Your best friends are telling you to get rid of him. Your family is telling you to throw him out of a running vehicle. Aling Rosa of the sari-sari store across the street is telling you to lace his drink with poison.

But you won't --------- because you're in love.

That's why there are songs entitled, "you and me against the world"


Your best buds comment, 'but he's been jobless for the past three years!"
And you say, "He's free-spirited. He feels boxed in when he's in the office. '

(in other words, he's undisciplined, lazy bum.)

Your officemates say, 'He flirts with other women constantly!'

and you say, 'No, he's just friendly.' (in other words, he's a pervert)

Your cousins say, 'He's taking drugs, He's got needle marks all over his arm.

And you say, 'No, he's into cross stitching.'

You overstay in toxic relationships, believing that your love will change him.

The wedding doesn't transform anyone. Even if three Popes officiate the wedding.

The person you'll march with into the church will be the same person you'll march with out of the church. He doesn't change one bit.

In fact, the marriage makes the hidden more obvious.

If he was selfish before he got married, he will be even more selfish after the wedding. If he was hypercritical before he got married, he'll even be more vile and prolific with his criticisms after wedding.

Here's the truth : You need more than feelings of love to make a relationship work. You need mature character, total commitment and a minimum level of compatibility.

Especially compatibility in the area of values and mission in life. I hear people say, 'We're compatible. Our names begin with the same letter J. My name is Julie and his name is Julio. We're both born in July."Wow. That's so deep, I want to cry.

MYTH 2 : WHEN IT"S TRUE LOVE YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON





I'm sure you've had this experience before.

You are in a crowded room. You're surrounded by boring, noisy chatter when, suddenly, this gorgeous guy enters the door.
Your eyes meet.
Instantly, time stands still. The universe grinds to a halt. Except for this attractive man in front of you, everything in your vision becomes a giant blur. The hubbub of the crowd becomes a soft muffle and, from out of nowhere, you here gentle violin music from the background.


One week later, he's your boyfriend.
A few weeks later, you discover that your boyfriend's a pathological liar, buried in credit card debt, borrows money from all his girlfriends (you're his eight in six months).
Your mind says, 'Dump him'
Your heart says, 'But it was love at first sight!'


Here are the consequences ...
You become so focused on the magical first moment, you become blind to the dark side of the relationship. Six out of seven days, you're fighting with your boyfriend. But you can't give him up because you met each other in such a magical moment.


Your car keys fell and he picked it up, and then your eyes met, you smelled his deodorant, and you dropped your keys again ... How can you not be meant for each other?

You become a love-at-first- sight junkie that you could miss out on the 'real thing'.


One intelligent woman told me, 'Bo, there's this guy who's courting me. He's okay. He's kind, he's responsible, he has a good job.......'
"I could hear a 'but' coming ," I said.
'but there are no sparks!" she bit her lip.
"No violin music playing in the background huh"
"none. When I see him, the background music I hear is lululalu-lalulalula lei..."
"listen. You don't need a magical first moment to meet our potential husband. The important things are mature character, financial responsibility, ability for commitment, compatible mission and values..."

I actually met this girl again on her wedding, and before she marched down the aisle, she whispered to me, "Do you hear the violin music, Bo? It's loud and clear."

It doesn't have to be love at first sight.

In fact, marriages with the least adjustments are those between friends who've known each other for years before they realize that they're good marriage material.



What is love at first sight?
Many times, it's lust at first sight. Or infatuation at first sight.
Don't give it too much weight.


Here's the truth:
It takes a moment to experience infatuation but true love takes a lifetime.




MYTH 3 : IF IT IS TRUE LOVE YOU WILL FEEL THIS WAY FOR EACH OTHER FOREVER


No, you won't!



Here are the consequences for believing this myth :


You panic when the feelings wane, and wonder whether the marriage is over and whether you really loved one another in the first place.

Imagine the night of your honeymoon.
Your new bride is sleeping. The cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze. You gaze at her lovely face. You study her soft cheeks. Her long eyelashes. Her beautiful nose, her parted red lips.

And all of a sudden, she snores.
"Ngggggggooork"

How do you react?
Because it's your honeymoon, you say, 'How cute.'

Six months down the road, the same scene transpires. Your wife is sleeping. And the same cotton curtains are gently swaying in the cool breeze.
And you hear her snore.
"Ngggggoork. "

What do you say?
"Ssssssheeeesh, Honey! You sound like a boat!'



What has happened? The feelings have gone.


Let me say this: 'That's normal. It happens to everyone. But it doesn't mean your love is gone so don't panic!


You can make a decision to love the snoring boat.
You start blaming your partner for the loss of love
This is nutty.

But many people do it: when we don't feel in love, we think it's the fault of the other person.

And so we fight him.


Again, we fall out of love because we're human beings.


It's nobody's fault.

The moment you fall out of love, the real work begins .



Let me explain.
This is the most important point I'm going to make.
(I got this from Scott Peck in his bestseller book, The Road Less traveled)


Falling in love isn't love.



Here's why. When you fall in love.....
a. No decision is required. Falling in love just happens.
b. No effort is required. Falling in love is like.... Well, falling.
c. No hard work is required. Falling in love is being bitten by the love bug.


On the other hand, true love requires all three : Decision, effort and lots of hard work.
In the Bible, love is a command. You make it happen.
Sure true love can only happen after you've fallen out of love. – this is interesting…
When you begin choosing to love, even if you don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the foundation of a lasting marriage.





MYTH 4: YOUR PARTNER WILL FULFILL YOU COMPLETELY


Again because falling in love satisfied you completely ----- you want the same satisfaction to last. No it won't.



Consequence?

You might fail to recognize a good relationship because your partner isn't fulfilling the needs you should be fulfilling yourself.


Here's the truth: the right partner will fulfill many of your needs but not all of them .


There are just some things your husband can't give you: you're self-worth. Your spirituality. Your inner happiness. These are things you have to work on your own.

I've met lots of people who think they're dissatisfied with their marriage. In reality, they're dissatisfied with themselves.

I've met lots of people who think they're bored with their marriages. And they complain to the high heavens how boring their husband or wife is ---- when in truth, they're really bored with life.

Meet your own needs. Find your happiness in God. Find your niche, your calling, your destiny. And then share your joy with your spouse.




MYTH 5: IF IT'S TRUE LOVE YOU WON'T BE ATTRACTED TO ANYONE ELSE



If you believe in this myth, you panic when you get attracted to someone else, questioning the authenticity of your love for your spouse.

One man told me, 'Bo, I love my wife. Or I thought I did. But then I met this woman at work. She has nice make-up. She smells nice. She wears a pencil-cut skirt. When I go home, my wife is wearing a drab rag. Her hair is undone. She smells of vinegar. Gosh I am attracted to this girl at work."
Being attracted to someone is normal ----- even if you have a happy marriage. But being attracted doesn't mean falling into adultery.

Every time you think of the other woman, discipline your heart and say, 'Home, boy, Home!' and escort your heart back to your wife.

Because if you feed your attraction with fantasies and constantly think about the other woman, it grows. But if you starve your attraction, it dies a natural death.





>>nice one, Bo!

Love can give you ULCER!!

1st day of March

I watched the movie "You Changed My Life".

I have a friend who really pushed me to watch this, she said I have to see the movie.

And so I did.

It was the story of a couple (Miggy, characterized by John Lloyd Cruz and Ladia, by Sarah Geronimo) who's so in love with each other yet their careers are leading to different paths and their relationship suffers from the pressures of being apart.

The movie follows the romance between the rich boss Miggy Montenegro and the middle-class employee Laida Magtalas. (This is actually a sequel of the movie "Very Special Love".. hmp, see? fans kau ku noh!? hihih) This time around, Laida and Miggy now savor the sweet moments as a couple. But as time goes by, their love is put to further tests brought about by the differences of their worlds. They both later realize that a commitment is not at all a bed of roses but a road filled with lots of sacrifices. Laida tries her best to make the time for their relationship, while Miggy finds himself caught between his ambition and his personal happiness. During her lonesome times, Laida seeks comfort from high school sweetheart Macoy. On the other hand, Miggy meets Cristina who reminds him that once you make the choice, there will be no turning back.

Though it was a good one, and yes, I'm a super John Lloyd fan (go laugh at me!!)

personally I don't like it..

Why!?

Because it simply reminds me of what I was (yes, WAS.).

And what we were.

Yes, we were happy.

Yes, we both loved each other.

And yes, it was over.

And It hit me hard.

Because I saw myself in that girl's dreams and that girl's passion and love.

I saw it in her eyes, those that glitters everytime he is around..
the way she gets excited everytime he calls her and every time they see each other,
the way she expects things, the way she believe his promises.
the way she tries to convince herself that he loves her too,
the way she blushes everytime she hears him say "iLoveyou"..
the way she understands him everytime he fails to keep his promises..
the way she adjusts to everything, eventhough she know it isn't right anymore..
the way she gets disappointed because he can't come to fetch her..
the way she waits for him to call..
the way she cries just to keep herself sane..
the way she hates him for everything he has done..
and most of all, the way she still loves him, despite and inspite it all!

That was me, that was the jLyn I was trying so hard to changed and to hide.

Not because I don't like myself then, but because no matter what I do, HE is gone.

And yes, HE made a choice.

And I know, there is no turning back.