1. “I miss you.”
“If conversation was the lyrics,
laughter was the music, making time spent together a melody that could
be replayed over and over without getting stale.” – Nicholas Sparks
Telling
your partner you miss them through a simple text or email will make
them feel needed, wanted, and appreciated. If you’re home with the kids
while your partner is at work, send them a group family photo with a
message like, “We can’t wait for you to get home!”
2. “How was your day?”
“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.” – J.K. Rowling
Resist
the temptation to go on a tirade about how terrible your day was as
soon as you walk in the door. This isn’t to say you can’t rant and rave
about a bad day, but doing so without consideration of your partner’s
life is self-centered.
3. “Do you remember that time we ______?”
“Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things.” – Keanu Reeves
Relationships
have a way of losing that magical “spark” as the months and years go
by. Reminding your partner of your most cherished memories together—like
your first vacation together, or that one time you got busted making
out in a mall elevator—will help you remember why your relationship is
so special in the first place.
4. “How can I help?”
“I
want to be in a relationship where you telling me you love me is just a
ceremonious validation of what you already show me.” – Steve Maraboli
If
you’ve ever panicked in the morning because you’re running late to work
and can’t find your keys, you know there are few things more stressful
than losing something at an inopportune time. Lighten your partner’s
load by asking them how you can help when they appear stressed out or
overburdened.
5. “What do you think?”
“When you don’t talk, there’s a lot of stuff that ends up not getting said.” – Catherine Gilbert Murdock
Your
relationship shouldn’t be a dictatorship, but rather a democracy. Ask
your partner how they feel about all decisions big and small, from where
to visit for summer vacation, to your children’s education.
6. “You’re so gorgeous/handsome/hot.”
“Too
often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” – Leo Buscaglia
If
you don’t compliment your partner, how can you expect them to feel
wanted or appreciated? Tell them all about their strong-suits by saying
things like:
- Physical – “I love it when you smile, because you have the cutest dimples.”
- Attitude – “I love how patient/thoughtful/kind/confident you are, because that makes me feel ____________..”
- Attire – “I can’t stop checking out your butt in those jeans” or “Hello, tiger… you look quite GQ in that suit today!"
7. “Let’s meet in the middle.”
“Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
It’s
easy to become convinced that you’re 100% right during a nasty fight,
but please resist the urge to be stubborn. Thinking your partner is
wrong about something isn’t an excuse to discount how they feel. Let go
of your need to be right and work together as a team.
8. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”
“Every
couple has ups and downs, every couple argues, and that’s the
thing—you’re a couple, and couples can’t function without trust.” –
Nicholas Sparks
Making a mistake is okay (within reason) as
long as you’re humble enough to say you’re sorry and accept personal
responsibility. Refusing to admit your mistakes, however, could turn
what would have been a small squabble into an eternal dispute that
destroys trust.
9. “Please” and “Thank you”
“Be
thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you
concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough” –
Oprah Winfrey
Tell me which one you’d rather hear from your partner:
- Take the dog outside.
- Hey honey, could you please take the dog outside? I’m tied up with the laundry right now, so I’d really appreciate it. Thanks!
Big difference, am I right?
10. “I love you.”
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu
No matter how long you’ve known a person, I can promise that those 3 words will never lose meaning.
When people come into your life, it is hard to dissociate from the
shared moments and move on. Oftentimes, we find ourselves forced to
leave people whom our lives once revolved around behind. You will always
carry memories of the sights, the sounds and the experiences you
shared. But, sometimes people change; sometimes we move on and
oftentimes, we simply grow.
As days turn into months and months into years, it is still difficult
to understand how to detach yourself from the people of your past and
to accept the reality that they will no longer be part of your present. People who made up such a large part of your life at one point
(ex-boyfriends, old roommates, previous company officemates, friends, etc.) are not always
meant to be in your life forever.
Sometimes, those people come into your life for a brief moment in
time — however brief — and then, they are gone. And in a moment, the
people in whom you invested turn into mere pictures stored somewhere in
the back of your mind. The moments you shared meant something — and they
still mean something. You are subject to an internal battle to
understand how the people you once valued are no longer of importance to
you in your daily life.
In a way, those people in your past became your family and you
probably find yourself struggling to let them go. They gave you advice
when you needed guidance. They gave you hugs when you felt alone. They
gave you unique experiences that defined a stage of your life. Most of
all, however, these people gave you a sense of comfort in the unfamiliar
and unpredictable journey that we call life.
And during those unusual times when you return back to those people
and those places, you realize that your connection to that city, to
those people and to those memories still holds strong. While you may
have left and may have a new life completely unlike your past, those
connections do not dissipate. Just because you left a place or left
people, it does not mean that those memories somehow become void. And
when you return, you are reminded of the friends you made, the people
you knew and the moments you shared. All of these things suddenly become
fresh in your mind. It is in these instances when you’ll realize the
importance each one of these people has in your life.
It is still difficult to look back, knowing that your current life
does not quite leave room for everyone in your past. And while you’re
not sure it will ever get easier, when you know that people you once
considered to be family are continuing to live a life separate from
yours, it is comforting to know that at any point, you can stop and
remember the experiences you shared together.
As we grow, we realize that all people are not permanent fixtures in
our lives, that they can be fleeting fixtures of happiness, love and
comfort. It is a difficult concept to grasp that people we consider to
be staples in our lives may not be here for us tomorrow. But, we must
learn to accept the idea that whether it be a lover, a coworker or a
friend, his or her place in our lives may not always be meant to last
forever.
When we begin to understand that relationships are not always meant
to last, we can also have a deeper appreciation for the experiences we
share with people while they are in our lives. Though it may sadden you
to consider the end of a relationship, you can begin to appreciate the
people in your life for the sheer reason that they exist in your
present. People come and go, but memories last forever.
The lessons people teach us and the hardships they help us navigate
are never forgotten. These memories become permanent parts of us and
continue to shape who we become. Just because a relationship does not
last does not mean that it is insignificant in any way. It is not the
amount of time these relationships last that is important, but instead,
it is the ability to remember them.
Once we can accept the realization that relationships are fleeting,
our lives will be filled with vast moments of appreciation. Appreciation
for each relationship in its entirety and the uniqueness of the moments
that you share together — appreciation for the present.
Leaving people behind is never easy — it never feels right to move on
to the next chapter. But, as life continues onward, so do we, and just
because we leave people, it does not mean we must forget the times we
shared. It does not mean that all those things must be lost in some
unknown abyss. All we can ask is to remember and that those whom we once
loved remember us, too.
